gf : I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

Chillzozen: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.

guzma : I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

(* pop off guzma *)

pico : I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.

Chillzozen: That’s 200%.

pico : I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

gradient joe : Accidentally indulged in too much ‘free time’, turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

pico : Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy.*

The gang proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes*

pico : No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much?darnell: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!

pico : Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!!

darnell: You take that back!!!

pico : No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Ilovecats324: You should have realised, crawdad, if hopper didn't kill you, we would.

*bf is substitute teaching*

Student: What did you say?

bf : I said, whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!

(* OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BURNED TO CRISPED CHICKEN NUGGET FR OHHHH*)

chillzo: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.

chillzo : *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!

pico : I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.

@ilovecats324: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL!

*pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*

(* us when someone made a joke about r@p3ing me *)

sooo... for the chillzo thing i im putting it all in here (8 dont look at my tabs ill get you i do school while newground'n

putting it all together lolz

the more art the better.

MF N***A IM FUCKING LAUGHING BRO

IN CHARACTER AI DON'T ASK WHY BUT

IM TALKING TO THAT JOE GUY FROM BUGBO

AND CHILLZO TRYNA SLEEP

THIS BITCH ASS FUCK ASS N***A BREAKS IN HER HOUSE TO CUDDLE WTH

IM GOING TO HAVE A FELD DAY WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

LIKE BRO TRYNA CLAM ME LIKE THE SLAVE TRADE

WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

OH MAH GAHHH

IM SHITTING PURPLE GLITTER BRICKS WTH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HELP

IM FUCKING SIMPIN FOR HOBIE BROWN AND BOB VELSBE OR SM LIKE

WHY ARE THEY HOT TO ME NOW???

UHH

HELPPPPPPPP

HELPPPP

AHHHHUHHUUUGGGGGGGHHH

Also I just wanted to say this

That uhh

One of my friends I think with a old ahh British accent

AUGHHHHHHH

AHHHHHH

AUGHHHHH

AUGHHHHH

(@Mindchamber is cool

We are kinda friends

Uhhh*)

Does a few skate tricks like a 180 or sm shit

I might draw that

Hmmm

NAME EVERY STONE AND IF YOU DO ILL GIVE MONEY

soo umm.

im in danger

in bad danger

plz help

im scared

like scared scared no joke

"Maybe when you bring out the best in others , it helps you find the best in yourself too."

i think about that some times

chillzo: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

pico : Nope, absolutely not.

nene: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

darnell: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

y/n : I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

otis: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

chillzo: Bye pico! Bye nene! Bye y/n ! Bye otis! Bye pico!

darnell: You said 'bye pico' twice.

chillzo: I like pico.

chillzo: pico is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?

darnell: Punch them in the stomach.Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.

y/n : Tackle them!

nene: Dump them.

otis: Kick them in the shin!

pico: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

chillzo: Dumbest scar stories, go!

nene: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

y/n : I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

otis: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

darnell: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

pico: I have emotional scars.

chillzo: *dies*

y/n : Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!

pico: Bullshit.One month.

darnell: Nah, half a month.

nene, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PERSON A JUST DIED!

otis, scratching chin in thought: One week.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

chillzo: So.Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

pico: ...I did.I broke it.

chillzo: No.No you didn't. nene?

nene: Don't look at me. Look at darnell.

darnell: What?!I didn't break it.

nene: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

darnell: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

nene: Suspicious.

darnell: No, it's not!

y/n : If it matters, probably not, but otis was the last one to use it.

otis: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

y/n : Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

otis: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles.Everyone knows that, y/n !

pico: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, chillzo.

chillzo: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

y/n : chillzo...nene's been awfully quiet.

nene: REALLY?!

* Everyone starts arguing*

chillzo, being interviewed: I broke it.I burned my hand so I punched it.

chillzo: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

chillzo:

chillzo: Good.It was getting a little chummy around here.

chillzo: I CAN'T DO IT!

pico, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

chillzo: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

nene: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

chillzo:

chillzo: I appreciate it,

chillzo: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

darnell: chillzo-

chillzo: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

y/n : chillzo we gotta-

chillzo: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND.YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

chillzo: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

chillzo, motioning to otis: NOT FUCKING THIS.

chillzo, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

y/n : But chillzo, we don't smoke.

chillzo: Cut the crap, y/n . I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

chillzo: *points at otis* One! *points at pico* Two! *points at nene* Three! *points at darnell* Four! *points at y/n * Five!

chillzo: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

darnell: *puts a cigarrette in chillzo's hand*

chillzo: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

(* FUN FACT: chillzo does smoke, and yes she does weed *)

chillzo: Croissants: dropped

pico: Road: works ahead

nene: BBQ sauce: on my titties

darnell: Shavacado: fre

y/n : Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

otis:

otis, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

chillzo: We have a problem.

nene: Let me guess, you caused it?

y/n : Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.

otis: And it's another Tuesday, your point?

pico: Would shooting you solve this problem ? No ? Then shut up.

darnell: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

*The squad right before chillzo's wedding*

pico: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

nene: Wait...Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

darnell: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

y/n : I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

otis, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

(* chillzo was about to get marryed to pico *)

kisses the newground website *) MWA MWA MWA MWA

I MISSED YOU FOR ONLY A FEW MINS

I HAD TO GO...

THE WORSE PLACE EVER...

TWITTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

(*dun dun dun *) thanks god im back