gf : I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

Chillzozen: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.

guzma : I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

(* pop off guzma *)

pico : I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.

Chillzozen: That’s 200%.

pico : I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

gradient joe : Accidentally indulged in too much ‘free time’, turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

pico : Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy.*

The gang proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes*

pico : No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much?darnell: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is!

pico : Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!!

darnell: You take that back!!!

pico : No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Ilovecats324: You should have realised, crawdad, if hopper didn't kill you, we would.

*bf is substitute teaching*

Student: What did you say?

bf : I said, whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!

(* OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BURNED TO CRISPED CHICKEN NUGGET FR OHHHH*)

chillzo: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.

chillzo : *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!

pico : I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.

@ilovecats324: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL!

*pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*

(* us when someone made a joke about r@p3ing me *)